Spring is on the horizon
I am inspired to update. Seasons change and it has been a long winter of chemo, neuropathy, reflux, intense gas pains, darkened skin and nails, nails separating from the skin, headaches, fevers, fatigue and I will stop there as to not exhaust you. The good news is as I said earlier, spring follows winter. I am excited because I know what happens in spring and I am waiting with excitement because I don’t know when my spring is coming but the design doesn’t change. Just as 2+2 is always 4, spring still comes after winter. Be encouraged if you are in a winter season.
1 comment January 27, 2010
Tags: chemo, seasons, side effects, spring, winter
I will survive
“I’m s rvivor. I’m not go give up. I’m not go stop. I’m go work harder… I will survive; keep on surviving.” I have made up in my mind I will survive I truly believe your attitude determines your altitude. If you think you can, you can and if you think you can’t, you can’t. I realize this may not apply in all situation but I bet if there were to be a study done it would hold true. I was listening to Dr. Mehmet Oz speak and he talks about most heart surgeons will not operate on a patient that believes he/she is going to die. It has been 3 months since I began chemo for breast cancer this time around. I am at the stage of no hair at all over my body and just a little bit left on my head I am wearing scarves and a wig that I am not fond of. To go from very short hair to having hair is a challenge and a whole other subject for me. I have had a 50% reduction in the size of the tumor that reoccurred from 2005 and I have tested again this week to see where I am. Through it all, I’ve made up in my mind to survive and to live a long life. There are so many reasons why but let me give a few:
- a handsome, smart 7 year old son to raise
- getting married
- nurturing a blended family with ex-factor drama
- becoming a millionaire $$
- going to high school games and school functions for my children
- use my experience with cancer to minister and encourage others
Do you see what I mean? With so much work to be done I have to keep the faith and believe that I will get through. If I have a defeated attitude God can’t work His plan through me (Jeremiah 29:11). I do know that He has all power and use anyone that He wants to but I know there is a special gift in me that He placed that only I can accomplish. I cannot and refuse to throw in the towel on life because of going THROUGH treatment. If you have this kind of faith for yourself transfer some of it to those closest to you. Even if it is not spoken directly, I believe you can believe something for someone until they began to see it for themselves. I am believing a path of renewed purpose and strength for my friends and I get the opportunity to see them grow more each day.
2 comments March 11, 2009
Tags: children, destiny's child, faith, health, Jeremiah 29:11, mehmet oz, millionnaire, survivor
Sisters Network
“We are family. I got all my sisters with me!”I am borrowing from Sister Sledge, I think. I a encouraged and amazed at everything this world has to offer. I visited an organization called Sisters Network. This organization was started to support African American women experiencing breast cancer. After 30 second intros, I was in awe. All these sisters had a different story but it seemed to be a part of the same book. One woman stated that her breast cancer journey has been a faith walk. She had no surgery, chemo or radiation and states she is healed. Another woman was given 6 months after a being diagnosed a second time. That was in 2005. Yet another had testing that showed a high probability that she and most women in her family would get breast cancer. Both this lady and her mother have already been diagnosed. I sat in this room with these women and thought to myself, “I will survive! I will live a long life! I will make the most of my time!” My new sisters remind me that yes, I’ve been there, yes, I’m still here and yes, I’m making it. Why do we fret over such small things? Would the things you worry about change if you were told you have 6 months? Its all about mindset and having the right attitude. I can’t control everything that this diagnosis brings. I have changes in my appetite, taste and skin. I have a very irregular cycle to the point of annoyance! I wake up some mornings with a headache. Who in the world wants to roll out of bed and start the day with a headache? I get this “blah” feeling where I just want to nap all day. My hair is coming out more and more. Other times I cannot wrap my mind around doing what I have to do to make money. But when I think of what my sisters are going thru I say I am thankful for my journey. I could not imagine having to pull off all my finger nails and toe nails because they have lifted off my skin. I am appreciative my new sisters. We are not related by blood but we are family because of this package called breast cancer that showed up by FedEx or snail mail. The mail carrier might have thrown that thing in your beautiful picture window at the front of your house and left glass all over your things. You can be mad as hell or you can get the glass fixed and make the most of it. Whatever you choose, return to sender is not an option. Let’s make the most of it together.
1 comment February 19, 2009
Be Happy
I’d like to borrow from Mary Blige: “All I really want is to be happy. To find a love that’s mine. It would be so sweet. How can I love somebody else? If I can’t love myself enough..” I want to be happy in all that I do. In light of the deaths that are all around us, the recent plane crash on the east coast, I am more determined to be happy. None of us know when our time will come. One of my mentors says “Live every day like its your last and one of these days you’ll be right”. Lets make up in our minds that we will be happy with the time we have. It doesn’t have to be a relationship with a significant other or spouse it can be simply with your children, friends, other family members etc. Although I am what the medical community calls a “metastatic breast cancer patient” I choose to not focus on the chemo, the sickness the countless websites that say prognosis is not good, etc., etc. I choose to focus on being happy. To start I have 3 incredible friends. I have many more but I want to talk about these in particular. I’ve known all three of them since elementary school. The relationship with each of them formed many years later. My first friend encouraged me to start this post and her and I are almost starting a new friendship and it is great. She is very analytical an it is just a treat to reason things out with her. We went shopping and had lunch and dinner together recently. I can honestly say that I’ve never spent 8 hours with someone enjoying their company and shopping. It was fabulous! Another friend has an amazing sense of humor. She “tells it like it is” and always makes me laugh and turns whatever I may be going through into a funny situation. My third friend lives 4 hours away and although we do not talk or see each other as often, she is always able to give me wisdom and advice with no sugar coating. Do you know what I’m talking about? In spite of my current situations and circumstances I can still be happy by surrounding myself with others and being open to receive from them when I am in need and being able to give to them in return.
2 comments February 16, 2009
Tags: happiness, mary j blige
2nd time around
I can hear a little song that says “second time around. Its better than the first.” I think it might be by Howard Hewitt. I dont know all the words but I’m going to use it anyway. I was thinking how this breast cancer experience should be different. I can’t help but think that everything we go through is for a greater purpose to help someone else. I feel my mission wasn’t complete so I’m ready to dig deeper and do something to impact someone else’s life. I pray that writing will here will help. It has been a good week after overcoming dehydration. I want to run an do so much! The house has been in shambles, laundry, dusting, etc. I decided to do something but not overwhelm myself. Who am I trying to impress? I found that in life we spend so much time trying to present an image or behave a certain way and for what? True friends don’t care about the stuff we make a big deal of. I’ll give you an example. I was so concerned with my hair falling out again from chemo. I wear it natural and when I would style it each morning it was coming out on my hands. I’ve been wearing my hair short since it came out in 2005 and grew back curly. I was being frantic about not being bald that I went to purchase a wig. I had worn it for maybe a week or two and I could not stand it! To go from no hair to shoulder length hair was very annoying. I am a contact wearer and the strays would get in my eyes and I wanted to gauge my eyes and torch the wig! The next week I decided I would wear this little black cap. I had done that for about 3 more weeks. My significant other told me even before I was re-diagnosed how beautiful I was whether or not I lost my hair. Several close friends would say the same thing. If the people closest to me did not care, what is the big deal? I guess we always have to look a certain way to be considered acceptable. I have to tell myself now my hair doesn’t make me, I make me! I got a haircut Sunday and have been wearing my hair as I normally do. So what its thinner all around. Who cares? The ones that love me don’t and that’s what matters most. I read a book that said when you die, what determines whether or not people come to the burial site is the weather. The author goes on to say that you could have lived this incredible life and people still will ditch going to the grave site if it is raining. It was profound and he made up in his mind that he was going to live his life how he wanted to and not give a darn what anyone else thinks. I implore you to do the same. They will not even come to our grave site if it is raining. In Indiana its rains year round, no matter the season so my chances are high for this happening! Please “DO YOU”! What makes you and yours happy and that which is pleasing to God.
1 comment February 4, 2009
Giving You the best that I’ve got
I had a bad week last week! My platelets were low, my blood count was low and I was in bed for a few days. That is the down side of chemo. Up until this point, I was doing okay but every once in a while its just one of those days. I wanted to tag my posts with the titles of songs. I find so much strength and inspiration in artists who write out their lives or lives they want. Although I had a bad week I will give you the best that I got. I pray that you will continue to give the best you in all you do. We are here for a greater purpose. As we move on the path to what we are supposed to do or who we are to help or serve, promise to give the best. If you’ve never seen Facing the Giants I would rent it. There is a scene with a football player Brock doing the death crawl (if memory serves me). He is challenged to give his best. I challenge us all this week to find opportunities to give our best. Thanks for the comments.
3 comments February 1, 2009
Positive Affirmations
It is great to be here. I have to say I feel wierd doing this and don’t know how I can get following. I will introduce me. I am Destined and my store is this. I was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 26. My dad’s mother and sister passed away from it. I was put off that it was simply a lump because of my age. I was more aggressive and decided I needed to be checked. Only after the lump was removed did I get the diagnosis. I went thru months of chemo and radiation. It was the worst 2005. I was severely sick and couldn’t work. I had a mastectomy and reconstruction. I must say that I got a great natural hair style as a result! Fast forward to ’08 and I am back again. I was shocked I must say. I was a firm believer that it was once and for all and I said to myself everyday,”By His stripes I am healed!” Anyway I am currently going thru chemo, thru losing my hair again and I am thru with it all! I am grateful that I serve a great God that will bring me thru again. I take it as the service that I was supposed to render did not get accomplished so I am here again. My prayer is that I can help you or someone you know. What gets me thru is prayer and believing with all my being that I will make it because I am destined 4 more. More of His grace, blessings and abundance.
4 comments January 22, 2009
Where do I start?
I am new to the blog world. Since graduating in 2000 I have been out of the loop on this computer stuff. I pray that I can inspire or help with my posts to come. I am grateful for a friend that many know around this scene for getting me started.
Add a comment January 22, 2009
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1 comment January 22, 2009
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